"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
