we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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