i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
