take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
