girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
