I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
