ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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