they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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