Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
