I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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