Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dignity is for republicans.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
