I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
