My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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