i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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