exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
