sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
