toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
