He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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