Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
