You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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