I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
