dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
