If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
