how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
