just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I want a musical about memes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
