When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
