I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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