it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
