Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
