I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
