i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
