that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
