why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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