i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
