guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His hands were made for my vagina.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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