We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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