The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
