Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
