my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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