never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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