Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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