What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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