So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
