you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
should my penis look like a turkey
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
