Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
