SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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