do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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