I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
