I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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