she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
