Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
