I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
