They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
