it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
